Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hey Dudes DUH

Some days you just need to stay home from work. Like ..duh..who's in charge? Who has a license for pouring concrete? Nevermind. If all else fails read the blueprint and directions.

The Butler Did It

Ready, quiet, action....don't break a leg. I love live theater preformances. I posted this a few years ago in Yahoo. Curtain going up.

I reside in a quaint town commonly referred to by many as TrussVegas. I shall not be offened by this because ...afterall... I pay enough taxes to actaully live in Vegas. It is a family oriented community with great pride in its aesthetic appearances and, of course, the local football team. Now, "the coach" is another story of pride and prejudice. I try to keep up with hometown gossip by reading the posts on the local forum. Kinda glad my daughter is an adult..well, more or less....and doesn't attend school anymore. "The "Cahaba Project" is an area near downtown TrussVegas It is comprised of homes built post WWII. The dwellings are still pretty with many having additions built on to them in order to accommodate the present contemporary families. It is rather prestigious to reside within these praticular blocks of "The Mall." or "Project" No, I'm down the street. It's delightful to watch people walking with their families and/or pets, jogging. biking, playing tennis or riding in the hundreds of vehicles that cruise the main street daily. Traffic is just one of our primary problems.. don't mention it when you visit, though. Some residents are of the opinion that they are living in Utopia.The secondary institution of higher education ( lol) is within walking distance of downtown and across the street from the the millddle-school is this "dahlin' building known as ACTA...our local little theatre.

I am proud of the productions that are presented and performed by many local actors..This past Saturday evening was no exception. Nelda, Carol Betty, Carolyn and I enjoyed dining prior to attending the play. We walked from where we had parked at a local restaurant across the street Gas prices are too high to be wasteful. We meandered slowly into the non-white table, order on your own, wait it line on your own time, get your own comdiments, and carry your own tray to the table at the elite establishment of cuisine better known as Wendy's. Time was a factor and we couldn't wait to be seated at the other restaurant. By the way, the food was pretty good..and cheap. After partaking of this delicious meal, we escaped to the theatre without any traffic interruptions... afterall, we only had a mile to travel.

I knew "The Butler Did It." Cute comedy with very intriguing personalities amongst the characters. We escaped with the visitors to Ravenswood Manor on Turkey Island and became enthralled in solving the murders and wondering did the butler really do it. A very enjoyable evening of laughter and fellowship with friends.. I will never tell. Did the butler do it?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

When I Whine

When I Whine ~~~~~~~ Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg and used a crutch But as she passed, she passed a smile. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine I have 2 legs, the world is mine. ~~~ I stopped to buy some candy The lad who sold it had such charm I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad If I were late, it'd do no harm. And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind. It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind." Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have 2 eyes, the world is mine. ~~~ Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue He stood and watched the others play He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join the others, dear?" He looked ahead without a word. And then I knew, he couldn't hear. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have 2 ears, the world is mine. ~~~ With feet to take me where I'd go. With eyes to see the sunset's glow. With ears to hear what I would know. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If this passage makes you feel like I felt, just forward it to all your friends, after all, it's just a simple reminder.... We have soooooo much to be thankful for!!! ~~~~~~ Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Sweet Home Alabama

This news just in:
All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.
A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia, they sure ain't doin' it to Alabama

Monday, August 25, 2008

HALP Me.PLeeze

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him: 'Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself: 'Now, what am I here after?'

Lost in the 50s Tonight

----- It wasen't that long ago I remember ------DO YOU? It doesn't seem like that long ago.................. for 1 or 2 of us. Maybe 3... Only 52 years ago! Comments made in the year 1955.. 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.' 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one.' 'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.' 'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?' 'If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.' 'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.' 'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.' I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either 'hell' or 'damn' in it. 'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas ' 'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president.' 'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.' 'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.' 'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.' 'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.' 'I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.' 'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.' 'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.' 'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel.' 'No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood.' 'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.' Know friends who would get a kick out of these?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Bur /min /ham

Bur/ min/ ham


Pronounce the city's name this way: Bur/min/ham
Driving Information:

Burmin'ham has its own version of traffic rules.
1. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
**Note Blue haired ladies driving anything have right-of-way anytime.
2. To find anything in the city it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is... which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It is one of only two 'cloverleaf' formation interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again---Atlanta---making them dumber---than we are.
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and runs thru Saturday Noon. If the term 'merging delays' is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least) rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.
5. You must know that 'I-459', ' I-59', 'I-20', and 'I-65' are the same road -- they just loop around the city. We think this was a ploy to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.
6. Always find out if it is a race weekend before you get on any of these 'roads' to travel somewhere. If it is a race weekend, stay home or go to the races. You won't be going anywhere else.
7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Burmin'ham. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, armadillos, pieces of other cars, couches, mattresses, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated'...
10. The minimum acceptable speed on 'I-65' (see item 5 above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Alabama 's State Highway sponsored version of NASCAR, especially during rush hour (see item 3 above) when it's 85 and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper to bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be treated accordingly.
11. Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying makeup, talking on a cell phone, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming from North of Burmin'ham, she might be packing. If she is coming from South of Burmin'ham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.
Weather Information:
1. If it's 110 degrees Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
2. If its 10-20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out, Burmin'ham residents consider this 'demolition derby' day and will be all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be their next target.
Seasonal Information:
1. If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
2. If you need to let the car 'get some air' by standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.
3. If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall. 4. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.
General Information (very important):
1. Do not ever speak to anyone during the song ' Sweet Home Alabama ' unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is like the State Song and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn't show 'proper respect' to the band who gave us 'Free Bird'. This is especially true if alcohol is present. Notice I didn't say 'sold at this event' but present.
2. Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city of Homewood . It's not that funny to us anymore.
3. If you ask someone for a 'coke', they will immediately ask you what kind'? This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer, etc.... it's all 'coke'.
4. All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you have crossed the Mason Dixon Line and are in the North. Y'all come back now, ya hear!!!

Thanks George Carlin

Message by George Carlin: The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stock room. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin