New Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

They Walk Amongst Us

They Walk Amongst Us

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back .... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'.

She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us! One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'. Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where'?

They Walk Among Us! While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us! I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us! While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and Worst of all ............
THEY VOTE

A friend sent this to me. He walks amongst us, too. lol

Filler Up, Please

May I help you?" "Yes, "filler up", please." AWW the days of the full-service gas stations. You just rolled your Oldsmobile into the station and someone, usually a gentleman, walked up to your car and offered to service it for free excluding the charge for the gasoline. The attendant , dressed in a snappy clean and pressed uniform with a matching hat, would wash your windshield, check your oil, and air-pressure in your tires while the gas was pumping. When people traveled in Florida during these glory days, an attendant would even sweep the floors of your car. I suppose they didn't want tourists to export any sand.

A typical gas station had one island with two to four pumps and two or three bays where you took your car for service or maintenance. Prices were less in those days which made the entire experience more cheerful. I think peoples' attitudes were more cheerful, too. Thus, the reason for being referred to as the "Happy Days."

Gas wars raged during the 50s and 60s . Some stations would give you a free cup of coffee or S&H Green Stamps to thank you for your patronage. One stamp was awarded for every ten cents worth of gas. You accumulated enough stamps to fill books to be redeemed at a S&H Redemption Center. You could buy household items , apparel, gifts, furniture and other useful products. I wonder what happened to those ugly green lamps?





.
From, 1950-1959 the average American wage went from around $2,650 to about $3,855 a year During the same 10 years, gasoline went from around 27 cents to only 30 cents a gallon. And the 60's weren't much different. Americans who weren't reciting Beatnik poetry in coffee houses earned about $4,500 in 1960. And by 1969, those who weren't bumming "spare change" in Haight Ashbury were more than likely working hard for $6,900 a year.Meanwhile, gassing-up your "rod" only set you back 30 cents a gallon in 1960. And by 1969, it had only gone up a nickel to 35 cents a groovy gallon. .From 1995-2005, annual wages went from around $24,700 to about $36,400 while gasoline skyrocketed from $1.10 to a depressing $2.15 per gallon. And

unlike teh 50's adnd, popular music didn't get any better.60's



So if you want to take a trip down memory lane, driving might be an economical way to go. From Perry Como to Elvis Presley to The Beatles would be a trip that only varied in cost by 8 cents a gallon from beginning to end. But be warned, if you continue cruising into modern times, you better be ready for a steep uphill drive.

Four-Year-Old Buying Gas

Cute video of a little boy playing gas station with his father. (Click title)

Old Gas Stations

Friends

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Life is not fair..get used to it

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a high school about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on. If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you can read this in English Thank a soldier!